Five Steps
by Skateaway
Summary: Lily has always thought she hated James. But when she realizes how she really feels, she goes through five steps. Five steps, because she's losing herself to James Potter...
1. Realization

Disclaimer:  Any of this that you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling, and the real five steps were made by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, so that part belongs to her.

Before I start, the real five steps were made for getting over losses, and I don't want anybody offended by my use of them this way.

Five Steps 

Chapter One: **Realization **

_Because Muggles do not have any direct way of fixing emotional and physiological damage, they often resort to psychologists or psychiatrists.  These translate roughly into a very basic healer, and while scorned by most of the wizarding world, they command a great deal of respect in their own fields.  They have developed different ways to cope with situations and loss without magical aid.  For example, _Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, _a well-known Muggle psychiatrist, invented the Five Steps for coping with loss.  These steps are…_

The sound of breaking pottery woke Lily up from her Muggle Studies textbook.  Looking around, it was clear what had happened.  A few tables away the entire Slytherin table was either trying to scramble under their benches or run to the protection of a different house.  The jugs of pumpkin juice were exploding, spraying shards of ceramic and fountains of the sticky juice.  One boy, in particular, was drenched head to foot.  Lily almost cracked a smile at the sight of Severus Snape, but just rolled her eyes when she realized who had started it.

"Excellent work Prongs!  I have to say, my idea worked even better then I had hoped!"  Sirius Black, who was (unfortunately) sitting across from her, burst out laughing and started slapping the boy next to him on the back.

"Your idea?  If you care to remember, _I _thought up this one.  The pure genius that is dungbombs timed to explode just so is too far beyond you I'd say."  This was James Potter; Lily's archenemy, Lily's curse.

The boy on the other side of Potter gave a short laugh and pushed Potter off the seat.  "As if _you_ could've thought that up.  I must say I am the brains behind the Marauders."  Remus Lupin laughed as Potter climbed back on the bench, then pushed him off again.  He had dark circles under his eyes and was very pale, and looked like someone had recovered from a nasty bout of flu.  But then, he never looked healthy.  Lily worried about him, and probably would've been his friend if he hadn't already been hanging around James.

A small, rat-like boy opposite Remus gave a high laugh.  "I think I deserve the credit.  After all, who planted all the dungbombs?  Me, of course."

Sirius snorted.  "Can it, Peter.  Like that is worth anything."

Lily plugged her ears and tried to blot out their conversation.  …_invented the Five Steps for coping with loss.  These steps…  _After reading the same sentence half a dozen times, she slammed it shut.  "Can't any of you be quiet for just one moment!"  She glared at the boys.  "I know none of you care about your education and the NEWTs, but I, at least, want to do well."

"Aw, come on Lily.  Your saying you don't see any humor at all in this?"  Lily's best friend, Alicia, gestured at the Slytherin table.  Most of the teachers were frantically trying to stop the continuing explosions, but some were just sitting at the Head Table, trying not to laugh and spit out their lunch.

Lily frowned at the girl who sat next to her.  "You too, Aly?  You too are consumed by this…"  She waved wildly at the Marauders, at loss for words.  "…this cesspool of corruption and ignorance?"

James tried to look offended.  "Cesspool?  You better watch what you say.  Someone might take offense to such talk."

Next to him, Sirius grinned.  "Someone's been a busy bee.  Been reading the dictionary, eh?  You'd better stop before you choke on one of those big words."

She tried not to scream in frustration and annoyance.  "_Some people_," Lily said, and slammed her heavy text book on the table, "care about their NEWTs!"

Aly sighed.  "Lily, tomorrow is Christmas vacation.  The NEWTs aren't for another six months!  Stop worrying.  Especially about Muggle Studies.  You are, after all, muggle-born.  If you need to worry, worry about Transfiguration.  Though I'm sure there are plenty of tutors willing to help you…"  She trailed off and winked at James.

He beamed, knowing that it was his best subject and Lily's worst.  "I'd be perfectly willing to help you.  I was going to make a study guide for Peter anyway, and I could help you with some of the tougher spells.  C'mon, it would be—"

"Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew!  Report to the Headmaster's office at once!"  Potter just smiled and he and the rest of the Marauders got up and walked out of the Great Hall.

"Me accepting help from Potter is about as likely as me and him having a kid together," Lily mumbled to herself as she picked up her books and finished up her dinner.

"Come on, Lily, why don't you give him a chance?  You know that he's changed a lot.  He's not mean anymore, and he really likes you.  Even you can't ignore that."  Aly knew, as did the rest of the school, that James had liked Lily since their fourth year.  She also knew that Lily was as stubborn as a mule and held grudges for longer than most people held friendships.

"Aly, James Potter is an insufferable prat, and I want and never will want anything to do with him.  Even you can't ignore that."  She smiled as Aly rolled her eyes and then shouldered her book bag.  "Now lets go or we'll be late for potions."

"How can we be late if we leave half an hour early?"  Aly grumbled to herself as she picked up her books and followed her friend.

Potions was nearly over when the Marauders walked in; Peter looking angry, Remus looking chastened, Sirius looking bemused, and James oddly enough (in Lily's point of view) looking thoughtful.

Ms. Levingstons, the potions teacher, could do no more than frown at their yellow pass.  Lily knew she would give anything to punish the four boys who were constantly harassing her house.  Except make sure that the Slytherins received points for everything and anything they did.

"An excellent potion Snape, ten points to Slytherin.  Ah, and Mr. Avery, exceptional work.  That'll be another ten points."

Lily gritted her teeth.  While Snape might be the best in potions in all of Slytherin (and as much as she hated to admit it, the best in the school), Avery was abysmal in Potions and the only reason he wasn't failing was because Ms. Levingstons constantly marked up his grade for things like 'admiral dicing of his shriveled newts.'

Soon enough the bell sounded, and Sirius let out an obnoxiously loud cheer at the sound that signaled the start of the Christmas holiday.  The students shoved their way of the classroom,  but Lily stopped a few steps out the door as she struggled to shove her potions book into a packed bag.

"Lily, er… can I talk to you for a moment?"  She didn't take her eyes away from her books, knowing who had said it.  Just my luck, she thought.  You take to much time and look what happens.  You get cornered into talking with Potter when you've got your hands full.  "What is it Potter?  In case you haven't noticed, I'm in kind of a hurry here.  In fact I have to go, now."

She started walking down the corridor, away from James, but he followed her.

"It won't take long Lily, I swear."

Lily started at the use of her first name, and stopped to look at him.  _He looked… she couldn't put her finger on it.  Merlin's beard!_ she thought.  _James Potter is actually nervous, and while talking to me, of all people!_

"Lily, you know that everyone's leaving tomorrow morning for the break and—"

"Yes, _Potter_, I am fully aware of the fact that the Christmas hols are starting.  I was hoping you wouldn't waste my time."

He blushed, making her glare at him.  "Well, I, er, know that you're staying here, at Hogwarts, for the holidays because of well, you know…"

Her glare narrowed.  "What, can't you say it, Potter?  I'm staying at Hogwarts because my parents were murdered by Voldemort!  Have you come to shove that in my face now?" 

She knew that she had gone to far.  "Look Lily, you're not the only one who has lost their family."

Lily looked down, feeling guilty.  His parents had been killed a few weeks before hers; just after they came to school in September.  Pressing her lips together, she didn't say anything.

"Well, I just wanted you to know I'm staying here too.  So is Sirius.  I figured you'd already assume, but I didn't want to give you a start when you realize you're trapped in the tower with two prats like us."

She smiled, pleased and surprised by his humility.  _What are you doing Lily?  This is James Potter, he is not funny, no matter how nice he acts or how sweet he's been for months….  No Lily, stop thinking that way!_  Giving herself a mental slap, she returned to her normal expression around Potter; frowning.

"And I was thinking, Lily, that these few days could either be torture, for both of us too, or it could turn out alright.  So here it is; a peace offering."

He pulled his wand out from his pocket, and murmured something under his breath.

Lily stepped back, saying, "James, you'd better not hex me or I swear I'll…"

James shook his head, a light smile on his face.  He handed something to her and walked away, turning the corner.

Feeling apprehensive, she looked down at what he had placed in her hand.

It was a perfect, white lily.

Resisting the urge to crumple it and throw it away, she placed it carefully in her bag.  She started the long walk back to the Gryffindor tower, all the while wishing a certain someone hadn't given her so much to think about.

Sitting in the corner farthest from the Marauders (who were currently throwing some fireworks in the fire) Lily bent down over her Ancient Runes essay, trying to concentrate.  _Tirafel Tirwag was an important researcher of Ancient Runes because…  an important researcher because…_  She stared blankly at what she had written so far, the subject and the name.

Aly was sitting next to her, and it was only loyalty to Lily that kept her from leaving and joining the crowd of boisterous teenagers that had started to swarm around James, Sirius, and Remus.

"Aly, I can't take this anymore!  Why are they so idiotic that they can't realize that some people would like a little peace and quiet?"

Aly sighed.  "You know, you're lucky I'm you're friend, or else you'd have no one else to talk to when you go on one of your homework rants.  You know, people say 'oh Lily's so nice, she's so laid back.'  Ha!  If they knew what you're like now…"  She muttered to herself, shaking her head.  "Besides, you wouldn't be saying anything if Potter wasn't in the middle of it.

Lily sputtered, but couldn't think of anything to say back.

"It's the Christmas holidays, why can't you just let it go once?  Why are you talking to me anyway?  If you've got a problem with them, talk to them?"

"Excellent point."

"No, wait Lily.  I wasn't being serious…"

Pushing her way through the crowd, she put her hands on her hips.  "Can't any of you be a _little_ bit quieter?"

"C'mon Lily, it's the start of the hols, why can't you let the people have a little fun.  Besides, why can't you study in the library?" James asked, and for a moment, Lily felt a little silly.  He did have a point, after all.

"But I can't study there, and do you know why?  Because _someone_ flooded the library and transfigured half the books into frogs!"

Sirius laughed.  "Oh yeah, forgot about that.  Ah, that was a good one.  Should've seen Snape when a frog jumped on his head.  Then he wet himself!"  Sirius was bent over laughing.  "The frog I mean, though I wouldn't be surprised if Snape did too!"

Everyone laughed at this, but Lily just grabbed her books and climbed up the stairs, first to put her books down, then to take Aly up with her.

Sitting down on her bed, Lily began to sort her books into neat piles.  "Okay Aly, I was thinking you could help me with Herbology, you're the best in the class and I'm only thir—"

"Lily, you're killing me here."  Looking up, Lily saw the expression on Aly's face, one of complete boredom.  "Please, kill me now."

Feeling suddenly guilty, Lily swallowed hard.  "Aly, I'm really sorry.  I know you'd rather be down there with… them."  She struggled and almost managed to keep the loathing out of her voice.  "It's just…"

"Lily, why have you been _so_ obsessed with studying lately?  You weren't even close to this crazy when we took our OWLs.  I've never seen you like this before.  Is there anything you want to tell me?  You know I'm your friend, right?  I can talk anytime you need to…"  Aly's voice was low and worried.

Lily bit her lip and stared at the floor.  Shaking her head several times, she gave Aly a mangled smile and picked up a thick packet of papers from her bed.  "I knew that you might want some help in exchange for helping me, so I took the liberty of making up a Charms review.  Basically it's a summary of the highlights of the notes from sixth year till now.  I found this great book in the library too, and there's a lot of cross references from there with the things that the Charms textbook emphasized…"

She went on rambling to herself as she pulled out several more things from her book bag.  Aly groaned inwardly.  _The things I do for you…_

Pulling out her planner and a sheaf of blank parchment from her bag, something tumbled out that had been lying on top of it.  Lily grabbed for it, but Aly was faster.

"Lily, where on earth did you get this from??"  Aly held the lily in her hands, and looked at her friend in pure confusion.

"Nobody, it, err… doesn't matter."  _Good lord, I'm stuttering like a two year old._  Grabbing the flower back from Aly, she shoved it in the drawer of her nightstand.

"Lily, did someone _give_ that to you?"

Giving Aly a glare she gritted her teeth.  "I said, it doesn't matter, okay?"

Sighing, Aly took the review from Lily's hands and idly flipped through the packet.  "You know Lily, some of this must be from fourth or fifth year, because I don't remember any of this.  Let's see, never seen this one, never even _heard_ of this one."

Lily looked at the page she was at.  "Oh, the Confession Spell?  That was in _Modern Spells for the Modern Wizard_.  They said it was often used in testing, _and_ I found it in a footnote from fifth year, so I added it to the review."

Aly rolled her eyes, then read the description that was neatly written on the page.

"The Confession spell can be used to force the person it is cast on to reveal a hidden thought or memory.  However, the thought or memory is revealed only inside the person's head.  For best results, couple this spell with a Thought Revelation spell.  The Confession spell reflects what the person is immediately thinking about.  To cast the spell, simply say Fateor Caecus Cogitatio."

Lily broke in.  "The typical wand movement goes well with that."

Aly stared over the top of the paper at Lily.  "Wow Lily, you really went all out with this.  It must have taken you forever."

Lily tried her best to smile airily.  "Well, you know, sometimes I can't sleep and…   Anyways, want to give it ago?"

"Sure, I guess."

Settling herself down on her bed, Lily brushed up against her book bag, and immediately thought of the flower stuffed inside her nightstand.  _What in Merlin's name was James doing?  I don't even know how to feel about him anymore…_

"_Fateor Caecus Cogitatio_!"

The last thing Lily thought was _Oh, damn_ before a crisp, male voice sounded in her head.

_You don't know how you feel about him anymore?  Well, you are as much besotted with him as he is with you_.  A loud snap sound filled her head, like someone closing a new briefcase.  For a brief moment Lily had a vision of a business man snatching up his things and walking away.

"So, Lily, what happened?  Did I do it right?"  Aly looked apprehensive.

Clearing her throat, Lily asked, "Aly, how do you think James Potter feels about me?"

Aly blinked in surprise.  "He's head over heels in love with you.  _Everyone's _known it since fifth year.  Why?"

"I'm sorry, Aly.  You must have done the spell completely wrong."

Okay, okay, I know part of that was hopelessly fluffy, but that's probably the most fluffy I'll get.  You like it?  Review!  You don't like it?  Review!


	2. Denial

Five Steps 

Chapter Two: Denial

Opening up the window of the train compartment, Aly leaned out it and waved good-bye to her friend, hoping Lily wouldn't try to persuade her one last time.

"No, wait Aly! You can't leave me alone in the Gryffindor tower! Just stay with me for the hols. Please? Is it so much to ask to not be alone for Christmas?" Lily wrapped her cloak tighter around her, and tried to ignore the snow and cold.

"You won't be alone, Lily." She winked at the next compartment over, where James was talking to Remus and Peter through the window. "Besides, you know I love ya, but I need to spend Christmas with my family! I never get to see them anymore."

Wincing, Lily looked down. _She's making me play the guilt card. She forced me to, I didn't want to, but she's making me._ "I wish I had somewhere to go home to…"

"Lily, stop it. You know that's not fair. I've offered a million times for you to come with me, and celebrate with my family, but you keep saying no. Anyway, this came out of the blue, and you only started nagging me last night! How come all of a sudden you don't want to be alone with…" Aly coughed, and threw another exaggerated glance at James.

Going red, Lily stamped her foot. "Stop doing that! This has _nothing_ to do with Potter."

Aly laughed. "And I'm supposed to believe that… why? Try not to make a scene, you're having a tantrum."

"Fine, you win." She sighed. "But owl me, okay? I'll be dying of boredom without you to talk to."

"Alright, I'll promise I'll owl you." The train started to pick up speed, and crimson smoke poured from the engine. Leaning have out the window, Aly gave a final wave. "Have fun with James!"

Cursing, Lily glared at her, but soon the train had left the station, and the platform was nearly deserted. Not deserted enough for Lily.

"Did I hear someone say my name?"

Lily winced, knowing who was behind her. Slowly she turned around to see James, looking amused, satisfied, and _cute…_ Lily gave herself a mental slap that in real life would've have her head reeling. _Stop thinking like that! Where did that come from? You must not be getting enough sleep…_ It was true; she'd stayed up till four in the morning last night thinking about… the spell.

"Well, Lily, sorry to disturb your concentration, but if you stay out here much longer you'll freeze to death. You might want to get back inside the castle."

Try as she might, Lily couldn't detect a hind of cockiness. _Damnit! Why does he have to pretend to be nice?_

"Err… Lily, did you hear me? You might want to get inside."

Mustering up her best glare, Lily said, "I don't need you telling me what to do. Go to hell Potter."

With that, she stormed off, leaving a bewildered James in her wake.

Lily sat brooding in front of the fireplace in the empty Gryffindor common room. So far she hadn't seen anyone in the tower, and only teachers in the halls. With the Dark Lord rising, most parents had wanted their children away from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named suspected prime target, if only briefly. She groaned out loud at the thought of being stuck in the tower with James, and only James, for nearly a week and a half. It would've been much easier if she could just sort out her thoughts!

There is no way in hell I like James. No! There is no way in hell I like Potter! Potter is a selfish, self-centered, vain, arrogant, cocky, womanizing… she searched her mind wildly for more adjectives… stupid prat! Remember the time he pranked the dormitory so that water poured on you every time you opened the door? Remember how narcissistic he is? Remember how he never stopped asking you out right after hexing a poor first year senseless? A little part of her mind told her that for the last year, he had stopped. The last person she'd seen him hex was Snape, and he'd cursed James first. But that part of her mind, the part that listened to reason and kept calling him James was shoved back as far as it could go, and anger took its place.

He had no right to keep asking me out! If he would've left me alone like I'd asked him to, then I would never even think about liking that ass. But he just had to keep badgering me to no end, harassing me more like it! I'd be a lot better off. I'd be able to focus on what really matters, and I wouldn't even be having this bloody conversation with myself!

She sat there, fuming to herself, fueling her anger so that it grew bigger and bigger, till she was like a volcano about to explode. And when she heard the familiar creak of the portrait opening, Lily steeled herself to aim her explosion on who she guessed had just come in. Nearly tripping over an armchair in her haste, she came face to face with…

"Sirius! What in bloody hell are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, love." He sauntered over to the nearest seat and pulled a magazine from pocket in his robes. On Quidditch, no doubt, Lily thought to herself.

Her rant nearly forgotten, Lily said. "I didn't think you'd be here. James just said he was staying."

Sirius looked up and gave her the smile that sent most girls to their knees. "So James told you I wasn't going to be here? You two have a little something planned, eh? I'll have you know, I'm a much better kisser. Too bad he convinced you first."

Suddenly her 'pep talk' from before hit Lily full force, and she remembered she hated James. "Potter didn't convince me to do anything. Well, besides convincing me that he's a complete prat and a waste of my time."

"Cold words, Lily. Still, I wouldn't mind being in your shoes. Being stuck in the Gryffindor tower with such a attractive man as myself makes up for the prat, don't you think? I see the problem; don't want James walking in on us, eh? Don't worry, now that most of the school is gone I know of several guaranteed empty broom closets."

Looking coldly at Sirius, Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on Black, you must have somewhere better to be. I don't want you here. Go home, unless they don't want you there, either?" She gave a sarcastic smile.

The carefree expression on Sirius's face vanished, and an icy anger took its place. "If you must know, yes, they don't want me there either. I would've thought a curt like you would've noticed by now that I never go home for the hols. But you're to obsessed with your own problems to notice that anything outside your bubble exists."

Lily's face fell, and she felt guilty. "Sorry I guess. But you don't have to go all hostile on me! It's bad enough not being able to stand Potter, if I'm stuck with you too I'd rather not have two murders to plan."

Sirius's aggression disappeared, and his old joking self instantly appeared. "Funny, funny Lily. I would advise you, much as enjoy every possible moment we spend together, to toodle off to the library. However, much to her chagrin, Madam Pince is cleaning toad intestines from the sealing, and probably wouldn't want to be disturbed." He paused at the look on Lily's face. "All Remus's idea, I assure you. You'll have to wait if you want to kill him."

Unsuccessfully holding back a shriek of frustration, she hurried up to her dorm, intending to get as far away from any boys as possible.

It wasn't met to be. The train had left several hours after dinner, and hunger was gnawing at Lily'stomach. She knew where the kitchens were, but there was a chance she'd meet Sirius or James there. God only knew how many times she'd told them off for going there and hassling some food from the house elves. They'd have a field day if they caught her there too, so as much as she didn't want to, she trudged down to the Great Hall.

Since it was the holidays, all the house tables were gone and replaced with a single long table. Glancing up at the Head Table, Lily felt relieved to see Dumbledore chatting with McGonagall. They both got up and walked out of the Great Hall still chatting, leaving the Head Table empty. Nothing would happen to Hogwarts as long as Dumbledore remained.

She seated herself at the table and loaded her plate with shepard's pie and a piece of cake. Thinking twice, she grabbed some salad too. Digging into her food gave Lily the chance to inconspicuously look around the table to see who else was staying. No Ravenclaws, but one Hufflepuff third year. Lily was pretty sure her parents had been killed in attacks too. It didn't look like any Slytherins were here either… but wait. There he was, at the opposite end, Lucius Malfoy. The one Slytherin she hated more the Snape, in fact maybe the only person she truly hated in the school. Even her anger at James couldn't top her anger for Lucius.

Taking one final check around the table, she was relieved to see that neither James nor Sirius were anywhere to be found. Maybe they went to the kitchens… Lily took her mind away from them, and concentrated on eating. She was almost through with her dessert when the two walked in. Cursing to herself, she started to wolf down her cake, hoping to make her getaway quickly.

Darting her eyes towards where the two boys were, Lily saw they were making a beeline towards her table. Damnit Lily, hurry! About half of her piece was left, and there wasn't enough time. Not caring whether or not she looked like a pig, she shoved what was left of her cake in her mouth. She was coughing a little, but she smiled as she swallowed. Lily wiped her face on her sleeve, then started to get up.

Except she couldn't stand, because she couldn't stop coughing. Looking around nervously, Lily tried to muffle her coughing in her robes, but she kept hacking, louder and louder. Calm down, just calm down. Trying to calm herself, Lily took a deep breath, well, tried to take a deep breath. All that happened was that she made a gasping noise and her coughs got louder and louder. Don't any of these stupid students know the choking counter-spell? She shut her eyes and concentrated on trying to breath.

Behind her, she could hear two people yelling.

"What's the spell?"

"How am I supposed to know!"

"She's choking, Padfoot, I've got to help her!"

"Here, I'll do it, just move over."

Lily was struggling to breathe, but her mind registered that she had a pair of strong arms wrapped around her. With a final cough Lily could breath again, as she coughed up a cherry, and realized with a start that there must have been some in the cake.

Taking a deep breath, Lily leant against the arms that still held her as she composed herself. Slowly she opened her eyes, ready to thank whoever had just saved her, then shut them again. There was only one person rude enough to not let go. It must be that damn prick, Potter! "Let go of me." Her voice was low and dangerous.

The arms around her slowly released her, and she cautiously opened her eyes, ready to look into hazel ones. She'd give James a piece of her mind.

"Sirius?" The eyes looking into hers were not James's hazel eyes, but Sirius's gray ones. With a start, she looked around, to find James standing a few feet away, sulking.

Giving her a cheeky smile, Sirius gave her a mock bow. "What can I say, I'm full of surprises."

Looking over again, Lily could see James looking even more sullen. He was jealous he wasn't the one to save her! This will shake him off and make him leave me alone… "Oh Sirius, that was so brave of you!" She gave him a gushing smile.

He seemed a little taken back. Obviously he wasn't expecting anything besides a cold thank you. With an inward grin Lily could see that James was positively seething.

"I thought for sure it was my time to go! If you hadn't come I don't know what would've happened."

You had to give Sirius points for adaptability; aside from the initial surprise, he was taking what was happening in stride. "I'm always here for any damsel in distress. Sir Sirius, at your disposal."

Lily gave him the biggest smile she could muster. "My hero." With that, she leant up and gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked off. She knew she'd been laying it on a bit thick at the end, but the look on James's face was priceless!

As she left the great hall, she ambled about, pausing here to get a drink from a fountain, and there to look at a particularly abstract picture. In fact, she was so oblivious in her euphoria that she nearly stumbled on Sirius and James, walking down the hallway ahead of her.

"Listen mate, I didn't know she was going to do that!"

"Couldn't let me do the spell, could you?"

"You didn't know the spell! It's not my fault you don't know the Heimlich."

"Huh? Don't change the conversation, Sirius."

"See, my point exactly! You should stop getting upset."

"You should stop babbling and start making sense. She kissed you Sirius. I think I have the right to be a little upset."

"How was I supposed to know she was going to do that, mate?"

James seemed at a loss for what to say for a minute. "You… you could've at least pushed her off you."

"In case you didn't notice Prongs, we weren't exactly making out. How am I supposed to push her off me when she was never on me?"

Pausing, James looked pitiful. He ran his hand through his hair. "I know it wasn't your fault, but you know I like her. I mean really like her."

"I wouldn't ever take your girl. Hell, I better the whole dormitory knows she's yours."

"Thanks, mate."

The two walked off together, James's arm slung around his friend's shoulder.

So I'm his girl now? Her happiness before evaporated, and Lily was furious. I can't go near Sirius, or Remus, or probably any of the boys in Gryffindor because they know James likes me! At the beginning of her sixth year she'd had a thing for Remus. She'd tried to make it something more, but he had seemed oddly distant. I can't date any seventh year Gryffindors because **James** has a… a monopoly on me! He can't just do that to me. Well, he should know that there's no way in hell I'm going to let him get away with that. I'll just have to take matters into my own hands.

For a minute or two she stood there, thinking frantically. Slowly a smile grew on her face, one completely unlike her fake one with Sirius earlier. A plan began to form in her head. James would never know what hit him…

Okay people, here it is! Sorry it took so long.

**Chriscilla**- Glad you liked it, I was hoping it wasn't too fluffy.

**James-RoxMySox**- Miss Goody Two Shoes is about to get a lot worse…

**Lindsey88**- Okay, okay, here's the chapter! The rest of the eight steps won't come for a bit though.

**Me**- Here you go, hope you like it.

**Titcurieuse**- I hope you like this one too!

**ZombieGurl98**- The next chapter should come a lot quicker!

Thank you, you guys, I love everyone who reviews! Sorry it wasn't updated quicker, but I had some stuff to do with my family. The more you update the faster it will come! And, since I'm a review hog, I solemnly swear that if I get **20** reviews I'll add an extra page to the next chapter. I really doubt I'll get that many, but c'mon people, make my dreams come true! Review, review, review, and make my day!


	3. Anger

Five Steps

Chapter Three: Anger

For the rest of holidays, Lily managed to avoid James and Sirius by hiding out in the library, or when that closed, barricading herself in her dorm room. She was more than happy to spend her time writing up OWL study guides for the students she tutored, and studying for her own upcoming exams with a feverish intensity. And the time she didn't spend studying she spent… planning.

In fact, she was so certain that her plan would solve all of her problems that she was dying to tell Aly when she came back after the hols.

Her trunk was already deposited at the end of her bed, but Aly dumped her carry-on with a groan on her pillow. The other girls set down their things and hurried from the room, waiting to talk till they got down into the common room. Lily, somewhat impatiently, watched them leave, then jumped up when the last one left.

"Aly, I think you should know, that I am, quite simply, a genius."

Rolling her eyes, Aly began to unpack her bags. "I'd like a moment for rebuttal."

"No, seriously! I've thought of the perfect way to make James leave me alone!"

The laugh from the dresser was full of disbelief. Folding her robes and placing them in the drawers, Aly answered. "There's not a very good chance of that ever happening, Lily. _James_ isn't going anywhere."

"Ha! This way is a guarantee that _Potter_ will definitely stay away from yours truly."

Narrowing her eyes, Aly stopped putting things away and placed her hands on her hips. "Lily, you haven't thought up some really hideous thing have you? I know it's annoying, but James doesn't mean it badly."

To say that Lily was taken back by her friend's response was an understatement. "Well excuse me if I'm too hideous for you. Of course parasites don't mean it badly." Her voice was flat and cold.

"I'm not trying to be mean, Lily, I just couldn't think of another way to put it. Over the years you've thought of so pretty mean things. But they just keep getting worse and worse. I don't want you to turn into something awful just because of him." Aly was unpacking again, and her voice was slightly muffled as she tucked some of her books under her bed.

With a sigh, Lily already regretted being so, well… _bitchy_ at Aly's simple comment. "It's okay, I know what you mean, but just because he doesn't mean any harm doesn't mean I have to put up with it."

Staring at her now empty trunk, Aly started biting her nails, a habit she'd given up months ago. "I have to confess something to you."

"You said you'd given up that, Aly. Stop biting them."

"No, listen, Lily. I promised I wouldn't tell you, but…" She trailed off, looking uncertain whether or not to continue. "James sent me a letter over the hols." The words came out with a rush.

Lily's surprise was evident. "Why on earth would he do that?"

"He wants to get to know you, and the only way he could was to ask me. He really, really cares for you, but you always push him away. He wants to find out how to get to know you, what it would take for you to finally notice him as a man instead of an opponent. He asked me why you hated him so much. And frankly, I couldn't give him an answer because I didn't know."

_How dare he. **How dare he!**_

Without even bothering to say goodbye, Lily stormed down in to the teeming common room, and marched to the center of the crowd. There was James, as he always was.

"How dare you." Her voice was erupting with anger but dangerously quiet. Every single fiber of her body was exploding in outrage.

"Lily, what a pleasant surprise." James smiled that soft smile that he only smiled for her. She wished he'd smile like that for every girl.

"How dare you try to spy on me through my best friend! Using every moment to constantly harass me isn't enough, so you try to get _her_ to tell you about me!"

Surprise filled his face, and it grew completely serious. "I didn't mean it like that. I was only trying to help."

"Well next time you want to _help_, leave me the hell alone! I don't know who you think you are, invading my privacy like that. You think that if you get her to like you, then suddenly I'll jump in the sack with you? Go to hell, James! You want to know why I hate you?" She was screaming as loud as she could, and Lily dimly registered that the entire common room was watching her with interest. "Do you!?"

He nodded mutely.

"I hate you so much because of you doing things like this! And you want to know when I'll notice you as something other than an arrogant prat? Never, James! If you so much as look at me again, I'll hex you back to your maker. I never want to see you again!" Without looking back, she stormed from the common room, wandering blindly as hot tears of rage streamed down her cheeks.

This was so typical of him. She hadn't exploded like that at him in years, but she could only handle so much before she blew up. All she wanted to concentrate on was getting over it, and she hoped he would do. But he wouldn't, he never would let it die, no matter what she said!

Nearly crashing into a stone wall, Lily forced herself to see where she was. _Great Merlin, I'm down in the dungeons_. _If the Slytherins catch me here, this late, there'll be hell to pay_. She was exactly sure where she was, so she stumbled a bit; trying to find her bearings.

"Oh, look, a mudblood has blessed the dungeons with her filthy presence."

Even without turning around, she knew who it was. "I don't even want to know why a slimy git like you is skulking around the dungeons."

"I could ask you the same question." Snape's voice was bitter and mocking.

"Leave me alone, cretin, and you'll be a lot better off." Angrily wiping at the tears under her eyes, she hoped he hadn't noticed.

So much for hope. "Oh is the mudblood sad? Did she get in a fight with her lover, pothead?"

"Potter is _not_ my lover, and I don't want anything to do with him. Why do you care anyways, you hate him as much as he hates you." Slowly she turned the idea over in her mind, as if noticing it for the first time.

"I noticed you were in pain. Wouldn't want to miss it."

_He's being an insufferable prick, as usual. But he always was reasonable._ "Listen, Snivellus, just shut your trap for one minute. I have a… proposition for you."

His lip curled in a sneer. "Why should I listen to any idea a mudblood like you would have? I'm not as stupid as you."

Ignoring the last bit, Lily rushed forward, "Because, if you do what I can say, you can hurt James more than you ever thought possible."

"I'm listening…"

* * *

The dorm room was dark, and as Lily opened the door, a sliver of light shone on Aly's bed. She hoped her friend wouldn't wake. All she wanted was to go to bed, though she doubted she would be able to sleep. Tomorrow was greeted with as much excitement as Christmas; she couldn't wait for it to come.

"Lily, I think we need to talk. You left so fast that I never got to say what I wanted to you." Aly was sitting in the shadows of her bed, staring at Lily. She must have been waiting in the dark for Lily to come up.

Sighing, Lily shut the door. "Can it wait, I'm rather tired. Why aren't you in bed?"

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?" Lily asked with an exaggerated yawn as she sat down on her own bed.

"I heard what you said to James. Merlin, the Hufflepuffs three floors down must have heard it."

"Everything I said to Potter was verified." Her tone was stony and offered no response.

Aly's solemn and quiet voice filled the room. "I can't believe you said that to him. He has _every right_ to owl me, even if it's about you. You never even asked me if I minded!"

Rolling her eyes, Lily said, "Well excuse me, I was worried about a certain stalker."

"You've been simply awful to James lately. He's really changed since fifth year, when he used to torment you so much. People change Lily, and he has. I don't think he deserves any of this, and I can't support you anymore. He's offering an olive branch, why can't you bloody except it?"

"So now constant badgering and invasion of privacy is a change for the _good_?" Outrage filled her voice.

"I don't want to argue with you Lily, I just think you should take one long, hard look at yourself."

"Maybe you should take one long, hard look at yourself! You're supposed to be my friend, but you backstab me like this!"

"I am your friend, I'm your best friend." Her voice was anxious and slightly pleading. "But just because I'm your best friend doesn't mean I have to automatically agree with everything you say and do."

_Just when I need her support, she betrays me like this_. A small part of her knew Aly was trying to help, and knew she shouldn't say what she was about to. Regretting it already, Lily uncontrollably spilled out, "Well you don't have to worry about ever being my friend again!"

"You don't mean that, do you?" Aly face looked torn.

"Never meant anything more. I don't need a betraying friend like you!" Furiously shutting her curtains, Lily fell down on her bed. Sobbing for the second time that day, she was too confused to scold herself like she usually did when she was crying. Letting the hot tears roll from her red eyes, she tossed and turned before collapsing exhausted on her covers. She couldn't remember ever feeling this drained, and before long Lily fell asleep on top of her covers, robes still on. If she'd stayed awake just a little while longer, she would've heard echoing sobs from the bed next to her.

* * *

When Lily woke up the next morning, it was still dark out. She felt stiff and cramped from sleeping in her robes, and she was sure she looked as bad as she felt. But worse than the physical discomfort, was the gaping hole inside. It felt like someone had taken a skewer and stabbed her in the heart and soul till there was nothing left. The emptiness was enveloping and smothering. She'd never fought with Aly like that before, and she wanted to rush over to the next bed and apologize.

_I can't do it. Not yet, not now. Maybe later, but there's some other things I have to take care of now._ Scrambling out of bed, Lily grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the lavatories. Slipping into a new set of robes and a clean shirt, she looked at her tangled, snarled mess of hair. A quick charm smoothed it, and another gave it a slight wave. A charm that worked so quickly was always temporary, so by the end of the day it would return to its rat's nest. _Oh well, no time_.

Eye drops removed the puffy redness, and make-up made her look like she hadn't spent last night in her own hell. With one last glance in the mirror and a quick primping of her robes, she ran out the door and out of the common room. The common rooms were still deserted; no one was up before dawn. _Except one person I know…_

The halls were as deserted as the common room, except for three second-year Gryffindors giggling hysterically on the way to the Slytherin common room. Lily didn't even want to know what they were up to. She hurried past them into the Great Hall.

From the Great Hall it only took a moment to get to the grounds, and the Quidditch pitch was only a few hundred yards away. The grass was slick with dew, and the air heavy as the fingers of dawn showed from the mountains to the east.

_I don't think he deserves any of this._ Aly's words from last night came smashing at her from her memory. _He's offering an olive branch, why can't you bloody except it?_ Lily shook her head, trying to rid herself of the words so she could concentrate.

_I think you should take a long, hard look at yourself… I can't support you anymore._ Damning the unshed tears stinging in the back of her eyes, she mentally slapped herself and broke into and all out run to the Quidditch pitch, leaving the words behind her.

There he was, early as he always was. While Lily prided herself on always being on time, Snape was always early.

"You're late."

"No, I'm not late, you're just early."

"Let's just get this over with, mudblood."

"Go to hell, you prick." Looking up, she could see a dark shape loomed high in the sky. It wasn't a bird; it was a man on a broom.

* * *

Sirius strode confidently to the pitch, broom in hand. He could just see James ahead, flying in the sky as he did every morning. Normally, Sirius never joined him; a man needed his beauty sleep after all. But James had been so cut up last night that Sirius, his best friend, couldn't even talk to him. The next morning would be little better, but James always thought clearer when he was on a broom.

He wasn't at all eager to have a chat about _feelings_ like girls constantly wanted, but James had to know that Sirius would was there for him. If he felt like talking, Sirius would listen.

That's strange, there were two other people standing by the Quidditch stands. For a moment he had a sinking feeling that some girls in James's fan club had found out about his flying and come to maul him after practice. _Wait a minute… was that Lily?_ It only took another second to realize who the second person was. **_Snape!_**

Picking up the pace, Sirius started to run towards the two. With alarm he saw that James had noticed the two as well. There he was, diving down to the two of them, most likely thinking he had to protect Lily, no matter what that idiotic girl said to him. But Sirius smelled a rat, and it wasn't Peter. Why were the two there in the first place?

The two had there back's turned to him, but he was close enough to seem them clearly; as was James. Looking up at his friend, he saw a shot on the tip of his tongue. But then Sirius saw it.

It must've been one of the most deeply disturbing things Sirius ever saw. It just didn't fit. Lily leaned over and kissed Snape, right on the lips, right in front of James. Kissed Snape, James's archenemy and held it too, just so she was sure he could see. Turning her head, Lily threw a grin at James, glee written all over her face.

Then with that, she turned and walked away, Snape right behind.

Sirius felt mortified. But James would feel….

Dashing forward, Sirius just managed to grab James's broom while he tumbled off.

* * *

Here it is,** ta-da**! Sorry for the wait, I'm trying to write a novel too, so I'm juggling a lot of stuff at once. Happy Friday the Thirteenth!

I hope you like this most recent installment. I couldn't help doing that to James, I've always wanted to read one were Lily kisses Snape in front of James, but I couldn't find one. So here it is.

**Thank you** to: _chriscilla_**, dancinguyn**_,Icy Pheonix_(sorry, I've never read any Yu Yu Hakusho or I'd review yours!), **JessieRose**_,__rOkstA_**,** and **TenkunoMeiou! **Thank you, all of you!

If anyone is bored, check out my other story, The Underground. It's a lot different than this one, but I think it's still good.

Keep reviewing!


	4. Bargaining

**A/N: I hadn't noticed before, but someone told me in a review that they couldn't tell what the five steps were. Each step is a chapter title. I try to incorporate each title into the story, though so are harder than others. Anyways, sorry about that! I hope it's clearer now.**

**Also, this chapter contains some bad language. I think it is completely within the PG-13 guide lines, but I thought I'd give you all a heads up so someone doesn't come after me with a pitchfork.**

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Chapter Four: Step Four - Bargaining

Lily ran, ran blindly through the corridors, Snape far behind. Her feet slamming against the ancient stone floors filled the halls with echoing cries.

Trying hard not to swallow, she rubbed her mouth on the sleeve of her robes. She hadn't exactly kissed very many boys, just Benjy Fenwick and Edgar Bones back in fifth year. But it was enough to know Snape had probably only kissed snakes, or else he should have had the decency to pop a breath mint.

_Of course he wouldn't have kissed anyone. What girl in her right mind would kiss him?_ Cringing inwardly at the thought she stumbled past the door of the Prefect's Bathroom. Suddenly a quick peek inside seemed like a marvelous idea.

Technically she wasn't a Prefect anymore, but there wasn't a Head Bathroom. It seemed idiotic, really, to have a bathroom reserved only for two.

_"Lions bane."_

With the password said, the door slowly opened, and Lily brushed its even wood with her fingertips as she pushed it fully opened. Closing it securely behind her, she walked into the cavernous lavatory. Ignoring the mammoth pool at the far side, she ambled over to the sink. Leaning heavily on the marble counter top, she ran her hands through her hair, absentmindedly smoothing out a few tangles.

_Dear Merlin, what have I just done?_ She pushed the thought from her mind. _It does no good to dwell on the past._ If there was anything Lily stood for, it was trying to live in the present and not get hung up on things you couldn't change. Then again, she'd never made such stupid decisions in the last twenty-four hours as she just did.

Forcing herself to concentrate on other things, she gave a swift summoning charm to bring her toothbrush and paste from the Gryffindor dormitories to the counter in front of her. Focusing on ridding herself of any evidence made her mind stay where it belonged. The minty flavor of the toothpaste rolled across her tongue and as she closed her eyes it was just as if she was first waking up in the morning.

Spitting into the sink the toothpaste began to spiral down to the drain, and Lily wondered with a mangled grin where it all went. It didn't seem likely that Hogwarts used central plumbing.

The grin, distorted as it was, faded into nonexistence as she slowly set her toothbrush at the side of the sink. Any sign of her just kissing a crazed, bitter mutant was erased, but she still felt… _unclean._ Brushing her teeth a second time even though she knew it wouldn't change a bit, she looked at her reflection.

Yesterday this face had had a best friend.

_Aly…_

If doing that to James made her feel a little uneasy, yelling at Aly made her feel like something that had just crawled in from outside that should be stepped on immediately.

Her best friend's absence was a gaping hole. _Maybe I could talk to her today…_ She knew it was a lie, though. Any chance of repairing the gap quickly was ruined when she had kissed Snape. In doing so she had spat at everything Aly had believed in. She'd never forgive her, at least not in this millennium.

Of course, that was only if she found out. Lily wasn't going to tell anyone, and she was sure as hell that James would never mention it to a living soul. But Snape… Snape was the wild card. He might mention it just to brag that he had finally brought down Potter, or he might keep his lips shut to hide the fact that he had kissed a muggle-born. She hoped he would keep his mouth shut.

Thinking back of what had just happened, she closed her eyes at the memory. _Sure I know I probably shouldn't have done that. But I wouldn't have had to go to those lengths if Potter would have just left me alone in the first place!_ The picture of his torn face as he looked at her surfaced out of her mind. _He had it coming! It's not my fault he had to learn the hard way._

The rationalization soon made sense to Lily, and with that thought in hand she tucked her toothpaste and brush into her robe pocket and opened the heavy door to step out into the corridor.

Only to be slammed into the hard stone wall.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

The head of painstakingly trim black hair, worn a bit too long and cared for a bit too much out of vanity was staring at the floor. She didn't need him to look up.

"Sirius, what the hell are _you _talking about? How did you know I was here?"

His coal grey eyes narrowed, and he ignored the last part. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Tension filled her body. _There's no way he could have found out, this early. Surely Snape couldn't have told him yet._ "I beg your pardon, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Just because you have a hangover doesn't mean you can take it out on me." She struggled against his hold and he gripped her shoulders to keep her from moving.

"I saw you. I saw you there, with James and _him._ You thought you were inconspicuous? I saw the whole thing." His voice was dead and flat.

Her stomach dropped to land three stories down. _Damn._ "Fine, I won't pretend to not know what you're talking about. I'm willing to move on if James is. How about you just forget we met, alright?"

"That's not going to be good enough." He shoved her against the wall, harder.

"Okay, that's fair." Panic exploded in star bursts inside her head. She should've thought this through more. Sirius was the revengeful friend, but never before had she seen him push a girl. If he was doing this to her, all hell would break lose when he came across Snape. "How about I just apologize to Potter and you'll forget you met me here, okay?" Like that would ever happen.

"You don't get it do you, you… frigid bitch." His dark eyes were two pinpoints of anger in a pale face.

Indignation coursed through her veins, and anger replaced wariness. "Let go of me, damnit! Who do you think you are, anyways? It's none of your business who I happen to… err, be with."

"You were just doing that to get to James. Don't pretend you don't know that!"

Lily just stood there, glaring loudly at him. No words needed to be said.

"You don't get it. James really liked you. I always told him to go get laid and he'd get over it, like you do."

A gasp of outrage escaped her lips. "Excuse me, Mister I-Can't-Keep-My-Pants-On, but I wouldn't have had to do that if Potter would just leave me the bloody alone! Lord, 'no' just doesn't get through your thick skulls!"

"You can't know how in love James was with you. He used to plan out places where you two would 'accidentally' bump into each other. Which you always turned into shouting matches. Damnit, for a while in sixth year, I was number two to him!" He had released Lily, but she still felt like he was holding her there.

She stood back, stunned. _…How was I supposed to know? Too late_. "Okay, so just because he had an idiotic, mindless, schoolboy infatuation with me then I just have to accept him for being an arrogant, self-centered prick?"

"He knows he used to be an ass, Evans, but he changed himself. He changed," he went on in a sing-song, angry voice, "just he got be with the little evil, whoring wench! And look where it ended him up, falling off his broomstick."

A small part of her worried, hoped he hadn't been hurt. But that part was brutally suppressed. "So I'm not allowed any free will because he's an obnoxious stalker! He brought this on himself, never leaving me alone!"

Placing his hands on the wall on either side of her head, he leaned in close to her, his voice frozen with rage. "You don't deserve him. He always thought he didn't deserve you, because you're so damn aloof. Maybe you did him a favor, now he'll never be with you."

A chill went down her spine at his haunting last words. She never thought about what it would be like to be with his friends, on the other side.

"Just remember this: James was the one who made us leave you alone. Now you're protector's gone, and what will you do?" Sirius walked off down the hallway, his muffled footsteps echoing in the stone and a reverberation held in the air after he had stopped speaking.

She shouted at his retreating form, "You can't scare me!" But it sounded weak, and she knew it.

_He brought it on himself, he brought it on himself…_ Suddenly the words that had been so strong sounded flat in her mind.

Walking into Transfiguration she saw she was one of the last there. Aly was seated, not in their usual spot in the front row, but two rows back by her cousin, Marlene McKinnon. She was starring at her notes, and laughing at something Marlene had said. A deep and irrational hatred to the mild-mannered Marlene filled Lily, and she shook her head to rid herself of the feeling.

About to set her bookbag on a front desk, she looked in shock to see James there, concentrating all his attention on the currently blank chalk board. Sirius sat next to him, and she scurried past to avoid eye contact. She wished she could just walk out the room, right there, but she swallowed past the lump in her throat and walked with her head high to the back of her room.

The desks at the back of the room were mostly empty, and she settled herself into one, setting her bookbag on the other seat. Remus walked in, with long loping strides. He walked automatically to the back row, focusing on something in his bag. Looking up to see Lily, he turned his head, puzzled.

Thinking for a second he was going to sit by her, she moved her bag from the seat to the spot in front of her. Remus was always the Marauder that kept his head. _He'll understand. He's just got to. That is, if Sirius told him._ She crossed her fingers under her desk, hoping that Sirius had kept his mouth shut.

He gave her a sort of half smile. At the end of sixth year they'd established a rocky friendship, and he evidently remembered. He started to walk towards the back row. Lily let out a sigh of relief when she saw she wouldn't have to sit alone, but froze when Sirius jumped up and grabbed Remus by the wrist, pulling him up to the front to sit at the desk beside him.

Flashing her a lopsided, rueful grin he sat down where Sirius put him and looked to her, like he was about to say something. Leaning over, Sirius whispered something quickly in his ear, gave Lily a glance, then started to whisper to his friend again. Looking on, she watched helplessly as Remus's face turned from one of apology to one of confusion, then anger.

Sinking low into her chair, she stared at her hands, avoiding his gaze. _Perhaps it's best this way. I probably couldn't have handled it anyway._

Professor McGonagall had begun to talk, and with a whisk of her wand the blank chalkboard began to fill with complicated drawings of pebbles turning into polecats. Lily picked a textbook from her bag and propped it in front her to hide behind the crisp white pages. McGonagall gave one look at the upside down Muggle Studies book and pursed her lips, but didn't comment, to Lily's relief.

The faint breeze from the open window swelled about the room, and she lay with her head down on her desk over her crossed arms. A Hufflepuff next to her gave her a strange look, then silently giggled to her friend beside her. _Great. Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs. At least it's not with the Slytherins…_ With a sinking feeling she remembered that they Double Potions with the Slytherins next.

Groaning inwardly she stared out the window. The forest outside bent and swayed with the breeze, and from so high up she could see the leaves ripple like an incoming tide. McGonagall was droning on about how transfiguring something into a mammal was more difficult than that of a reptile. She knew she should listen. She _always_ listened, the most attentive in the class, frantically scribbling down notes while trying to keep up with the board and the Professor.

Not today. She lay there, half dozing in the warm sunshine that didn't make her feel any better. Her book slowly fell over by the weight of it's spine and Lily had a clear view of Aly, who was trying anxiously to make her polecat stop hitting her with it's tail, which was still stone. Lily's own pebble lay untouched where McGonagall had put it.

Aly… 

She felt the little pricking behind her eyes of early tears, and she propped up her book again to hide. _You're hiding from your best friend. My, my, how far the proud fall._ A little voice sneered at her from the back of her brain, and she batted her head, trying to be rid of it.

Good, class was almost over. The Marauders couldn't try anything when the stern Professor was in charge. Suddenly a red-faced Hufflepuff shrieked from the opposite corner, tripping over his chair as he scurried away from his pebble, now complete with three legs, an ear and a mouth.

"It _bit _me!"

McGonagall's reply was curt and exasperated. "Yes, yes Gilderoy. It's fine. I'll just take you up to the hospital wing." She looked about the room hurriedly. "Potter, you're in charge till I get back."

As soon as the door swung shut a pebble came flying from the front of the room and knocked her book over. She had a clear view of Sirius sitting nonchalantly on his desk, tossing another pebble up in the air and catching it before it hit the ground. Next to him Remus was turned in his seat and staring at her with a stony face with a hint of disgust. Peter was giving her a half sneer, and sniggering in his high pitch, nasal squeal. Lily wanted to box his ears. James, surprisingly, still had his eyes fixed on the chalkboard, and he sat immobile.

The second pebble came so fast that she only had time to cover her face in self-defense before it bounced sharply off her arm. "How did that feel, hmm?" Sirius's mocking voice filled the room.

"Shove off, Black." Lily tried to keep her voice even, and tried not to notice that the rest of the class had stopped working and was staring at them.

"Well?" Anger for his friend overcame his voice.

"Go to hell, Black. I can report you."

He laughed, as she knew he would, at her fragile authority. "Didn't you hear? James is in charge."

This was going to get very ugly, very fast if someone joined him. She hoped James wouldn't turn around and goad him on. "I think you'd be a lot better off if you would mind your own business!" Her voice grew as a crescendo to fill the room.

All he did was snicker softly. Lily noticed in shock that beside him, Remus held a pebble in his own hands. He was gazing it at it wonderingly and it seemed to have just occurred to him that he could throw it at her. Making a tight fist around it, he threw back his arm to cast it.

"Leave her alone."

The voice sounded throughout the room, and Lily didn't have to see him to know who had said it. She sat there, reeling in her desk, surprised and confused.

"Damnit James, you know what happened! You know what she did! She deserves-"

"Leave her alone, Sirius."

"But-"

"Leave her alone." He got up and left the room, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

With an angry shrug, Sirius gave a blind throw in Lily's direction and followed his friend out. So it was simply chance that the pebble hit her in the pocket with the toothpaste. She could feel it slimily spreading inside her pocket. _Great, just perfect_.

Remus looked down at his hand, the stone still tightly enclosed in his fist. He dropped it with a red face, then hurried out the room, quickly followed by a sneering Peter. She wasn't quite sure what he was sneering at.

Nothing could've fazed her now. She just sat there, still reeling, half in oblivion. _What. The hell. Just happened??_ Someone could've knocked her over with a feather. How could _anyone_ have expected that? The pit in Lily's stomach that had been mutely growing like a malignant tumor expanded so far that she was certain it was going to swallow her. She sunk to a new low, one she had never even come close to, and she still felt contaminated. It would've been a welcome relief if James's had exploded on her, maybe threw a few hexes her way. She probably wouldn't have dodged them all. _And here he is, acting like a… **gentleman!**_ She sunk deeper into her chair, and collapsed her head with a pound on top of the desk.

* * *

I was going to make this longer, but then you'd have to wait even longer for the update, so I'll just add the James and Snape confrontation to the next chapter. Hope you all liked it! I bet there's about a mass of mistakes in there, but as I said, that'll take even longer. If only I had a beta… If anyone wants to help me, shout out.

Thanks to my reviewers…

**Sweetaccent**- Yeah, lol, I know exactly what you mean, I'm one of those people who would run _towards_ a guy like James, not away. But the story wouldn't be any good then, would it?

**MiSs WeStHoFf HeRsElF**- Interesting name, here you go.

**Lady Farevay**- Wow, you're review was so nice! It made my whole day so much better!

**Andromeda-elf**- I really hope you like this one, too.

**Flame Of Desire**- Oops, sort of a late update. Here it is.

**Lioness**- Thanks for the double review, it made me feel twice as great!

**JessieRose**- Wow, I'm surprised you picked up on the novel thing, thanks for noticing. It's just a fantasy book which I have a such a huge plot for that I'll probably never finish it. Still, as an author, being published would be a dream come true, so I'm just going to keep hammering at it.

**Sumrandumperson**- Evil Lily is my favorite. She's gone though for a while, it's hard for me to be mean to James.

**Cilverblood**- Thank you **SO** much for pointing out the five steps thing. I made an author note at the top; I hope it cleared everything up!

**TenkunoMeiou**- You've updated at every single chapter! It makes me realize I have a real fan, thanks!

So there it was folks; step four. My next chapter is probably going to be late too, I'm starting school on Wednesday (excuse me while I go barf), and my workload is a killer. I'm _really_ trying to finish this one though, so don't' worry about me stopping.


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